Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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