hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
