You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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