Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
