i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
