About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
