I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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