You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
