Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize