Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
