My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
