Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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