if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
