shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
