Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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