obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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