I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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