I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
