got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
