So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
