Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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