She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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