Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
