Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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