Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
