I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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