So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
