I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A+ Viking dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
