Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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