just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
