id be glad to
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize