What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
