one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
