We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
