fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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