Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its liver damage thursday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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