I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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