My liver just broke up with me...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
