i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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