All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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