even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
