he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
