Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
