The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
