Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
