Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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