I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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