ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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