just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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