The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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