You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
