The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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