He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
