I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
