You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
