Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
