We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
