dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize