ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
