the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
