i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
