yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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