Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
