Having a random hookup so left but love u
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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