Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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