Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
