Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
