well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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