There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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