he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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