He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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