At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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