Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
