Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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