My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
