If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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