there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
