Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
