Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
