Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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