I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
