I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i now understand why vodka
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
