So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
