do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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