glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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