That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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