I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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