I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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