Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
