I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
