all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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