It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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