let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
