Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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