if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
