Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
