Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
