Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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