what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
