I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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