I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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