he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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